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5 Types of People I INTENTIONALLY Spend Time With (Part 2)

Dave Nelson — Fri, 18 May 2012 14:04:23 GMT

Continued from an earlier blog...

2) PEOPLE WHO ARE TEACHABLE

Nothing is more annoying than being around a know-it-all. We don't like it in our kids and it's even more disgusting when we see it in adults.

That's why I intentionally surround myself w/ people who are teachable. I don't ever want to be "that guy" who can't be rebuked or corrected 'cause I am so confident that I have all the answers and everybody else is wrong.

Not long ago, one of my friends posted something on Facebook that was an unfair attack on other people about a particular event that had happened in which he was personally affected. I immediately texted him and said, "You're not being fair... you're completely wrong on how you're seeing the situation." What happened next surprised me. He took the post down and texted me, "You're right. I got caught up in emotions. I'm sorry."

That's the kind of guy I want to spend time around (and do). That's also the kind of guy that I want speaking into my life, because I trust him. Being teachable is a reflection of our character. It shows humility and a desire to grow.

5 Types of People I INTENTIONALLY Spend Time With (Part 1)

Dave Nelson — Wed, 16 May 2012 12:07:52 GMT

I am absolutely amazed at how much we become like the people we hang out with.

We all know that it's true in a negative sense...

People who like to complain hang out with other complainers.

Those who are unhappy in life seem to keep company with other unhappy people.

Individuals living with a sense of entitlement are somehow drawn to the same kind of thinkers.

That being said, I have become very intentional about hanging out with certain personality types and avoiding others. Here's one I seek out...

1) PEOPLE WHO SMILE AND LAUGH A LOT!

I don't understand the psychology of it, but when someone begins a conversation with a smile... it makes all the difference in the world. People who smile have the power to reduce stress in the lives of those around them and make life much more fun for others.

On the contrary, when I see someone who doesn't smile regularly... I avoid them. They make me uncomfortable. They come across as intimidating. And whether they realize it or not, they suck the energy out of the environment that they are in.

Here's a TED talk that explains this some more.

Life Sucks

Dave Nelson — Wed, 09 May 2012 14:34:41 GMT

Did you hear? The world is ending in just a few months!!!

It's true.

Also...

"My car broke down and the car mechanic is ripping me off!"

"The cop gave me a ticket and I was only going 9 over... what a waste of tax dollars. He should be fighting real crime."

"My kids are sick all the freakin' time!!!"

"My boss needs to get a life and stop micromanaging me. Ugh!"

"My phone company needs an enigma. They don't know how to make a decent product!"

"My husband used up ALL the hot water this morning. Selfishness at it's finest."

Every one of us are guilty of complaining about stupid things. Some... way more that others.

I have a friend, Michelle Peterson, who whenever she complains about something on Twitter follows it up with a hashtag #firstworldproblems

I LOVE THAT!

Most every problem that you and I will encounter today, and the next 75 years of our life, will be FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.

True Story: Yesterday, I had an appointment with a guy to come over and finish the HVAC in my almost completed basement. Guess what? He didn't show up. He forgot. Now my entire project is thrown off by a couple of days. Ugh! I think I'm going to shoot someone!!!!!!

Can I suggest something? ......STOP BEING SUCH A DIVA!

Sorry, but I'm Not Passionate About Your Passion!

Dave Nelson — Wed, 02 May 2012 20:31:20 GMT

I wish I could be excited about everything, but I can't.

I can't be excited about every mission opportunity... or every community outreach... or every prayer meeting... or every legit need that should be addressed in some way.

It's arrogant to think that everybody should be as passionate as you are about certain issues.

One of the biggest mistakes that followers of Jesus make is to assume that every other Christian or church leader should share their passion. That's unrealistic and stupid.

The fact is, you are uniquely gifted by God to CARE FOR and DO SOMETHING ABOUT certain issues that others are not gifted by God to do. In other words, you have a personal responsibility to act on the passions God's given you 'cause He doesn't give everybody the same passion.

Scott Harrison has a passion for bringing clean water to developing countries.

Rick Warren has a passion for developing church leaders.

Richard Stearns has a passion for providing various forms of relief to the poor and oppressed in our world.

Apart from the big names, there are volunteers in churches all around the world who are making a difference by acting on their God-given passions.

Check out this inspirational story of two people that you've probably never heard of, from EastLake Church in San Diego, who did something about the passion God gave to them.

A true sign of spiritual maturity, for all of us, is to refrain from complaining or evaluating other Christians based on what we think they should be doing and instead run with the passions God has given us!

Loss (Part 5)

Dave Nelson — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 17:24:25 GMT

This is my final blog on loss...

8) God will give us the grace to make it through difficult times.

It's often impossible to see in the moment, but God extends grace to us in the lowest moments of our life. Unfortunately (or fortunately) God's grace looks different for each individual. Sometimes it comes in the form of an encouraging note, or phone call, or memory, or a random circumstance.

Regardless, it's God's way of giving us strength to carry on.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9, the apostle Paul wrote about God's response to him over an ongoing struggle in his life, "...My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness."

I think that is true for all of us.

9) Loss doesn't have to destroy us.

At the moment of loss, it feels like life leads to a dead end. The good news is... it doesn't have to.

In the Bible there are many stories of loss. How those stories unfold are the results of the attitude of the person going through it.

In Ruth 1:20, Naomi concluded that as a result of losing her husband and sons she wanted to be known as bitter, because of what had happened to her. This is a tragic choice.

Later on in the Bible, we read about how King David's son died after battling a sickness. David's response? He got up, washed himself, changed his clothes and went into the temple to worship (2 Samuel 12:20)!

That's how I want my stories of loss to end. I want to say in the good times and in the bad times... God is still God and I choose to worship Him.

Loss (Part 4)

Dave Nelson — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 18:23:39 GMT

Continued from earlier blog posts...

Here are some more lessons on my journey of loss:

6) Loss is an assault to our identity.

Like it or not, loss is often an amputation to who we are.

People identify us in certain ways. We're known as the athletic one, or the teacher, or the beauty queen, or the manager, or the owner, or whatever...

Our loss of health, or a job, or a relationship has the power to strip us of those things. It has the power to send us on a journey of having to establish a new identity.

At a certain point, we have to remind ourselves that our real identity is not based on our loss, it's based on who we are in Christ: HIS CHILD!

7) Everybody responds to loss differently.

The people who are personally affected by loss are all going to respond differently. It will differ based on someone's personality, age and life-experience.

This is critical to understand. If you don't, you'll easily be offended that other people affected by the same loss are healing at a slower, different or faster rate than you are.

Nobody really knows how to respond to their loss (or somebody else's loss). Let's be patient with each other.

Loss (Part 3)

Dave Nelson — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 20:21:04 GMT

Continued from earlier blog posts...

Here are some more lessons on my journey of loss:

4) My lack of control is not an indication of God's lack of control

During seasons of loss, God feels distant. He appears uninterested. Everything that is happening to us feels like random dots that can't be connected.

In reality, God is able to take the random things that happen to us and use them in the greater story of our life. We see this over and over in the Bible.

God is able to take the struggles... and pain... and hurts... and losses we go through to help others and to shape us as people.

That doesn't mean He causes our pain. It just means He uses it.

In the case of my brother Rick's death, it became a catalyst in my family and I moving to Kenosha, WI. and starting Great Lakes Church. Once again proving... God never wastes a hurt.

5) Ultimately, God wants to use my loss to bring glory to Himself.

I know this sounds very odd. Maybe even like I'm trying too hard. But God likes to use our losses to show His amazing power and strength. He likes to give us peace, when we should be restless. He likes to give us strength, when we should only know weakness. It's His way of proving to us how great He is!

That's why in Philippians 1:12-14, the apostle Paul refers to his time in prison and loss of freedom by saying that God used it to further spread the message of grace.

Our story of loss doesn't have to end with bitterness. It can end with the people closest to us looking at our lives and saying, "To God be the glory, great things He has done..."!

Loss (Part 2)

Dave Nelson — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 13:12:38 GMT

Continued from an earlier blog...

Over the past four years I've learned a lot about loss. Here is another learning:

3) Loss rarely makes sense.

This is one of the most frustrating things about loss. We want it to make sense. We want to believe that somehow our pain is being used for a greater purpose. That's why we come up with trite little phrases to minimize our pain or to try and defend God.

"God needed another angel in heaven..."

"This was obviously part of God's will..."

"God never gives us more than we can handle..."

In reality, there is often little explanation as to why we experience loss and pain. It may seem unspiritual to admit that, but some of the most spiritual people in the Bible were the ones who chose to be honest about the senselessness of their loss.

Most of the Psalms written by King David were not Psalms of praise and thanksgiving, they were Psalms of lament where David expressed his frustration of feeling like God had abandoned him or let him down.

Even the great spiritual giant, Job, complained in the middle of his losses, "I am disgusted with my life. Let me complain freely. My bitter soul must complain. I will say to God, 'Don't simply condemn me-tell me the charge you are bringing against me. What do you gain by oppressing me? Why do you reject me, the work of your own hands...'" (Job 10:1-3)

Don't spend too much time trying to make sense of your loss or trying to connect the dots of your pain. Give yourself permission to grieve, instead of trying to answer the unanswerable.

Loss (Part 1)

Dave Nelson — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 21:06:47 GMT

April 14, 2008 was the most painful day my family and I have ever experienced. It was the day we received the news that my brother Rick would be coming home from Iraq in a body bag. He had been killed by a roadside bomb.

Since that day, we've learned a lot about loss.

This week I'll write about some of the lessons I shared with Great Lakes Church on Sunday.

1) Everybody has a story of loss.

You may feel alone, but you're not! Everybody experiences loss in their life. Some experience the loss of a marriage. Others experience the loss of a dream... or a childhood... or a career. Nobody is exempt from loss.

2) You cannot compare loss to loss.

Don't minimize your loss by comparing it to another person's loss. It's tempting to mask our pain by saying, "Well I just experienced the loss of a job and that's nothing compared to the loss of a child."

It's true that if we had to choose between two types of losses we would choose the one we perceive to be less painful. However, every time someone experiences a loss in their life... it's incredibly agonizing and stressful to them.

Don't be heartless and immature by acting like someone shouldn't grieve their loss just because you can think of bigger losses in the world!

To be continued...

The One Talk I Wish Everyone Could Hear...

Dave Nelson — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 17:05:08 GMT

If I had one shot at giving a 5 minute talk to the entire world at one time, it would be the message I gave on Easter Sunday.

Here's the summary: No matter how hard you try, pray or discipline yourself to be a "good person"... you will always struggle in becoming the individual you hope you can be. In other words, you'll NEVER measure up. You will ALWAYS fail.

You can refrain from gossip for a while, but occasionally you'll gravitate back towards talking about people behind their back. Same thing with addictions. And lying. And anger. And lust. And hurtful words.

You'll never fully overcome anything. You'll always struggle with hypocrisy, and jealousy and arrogance.

The bottom line message of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is, "I fail. I'll never measure up. Therefore I look to the death of Jesus Christ as the forgiveness for my sins once and for all."

Christianity never says, "I behave better than most people." It says, "I'm a hypocrite. I wish I had more discipline than I do. I hurt people, even though I know I shouldn't. Therefore I won't even pretend that I'm better than most people. In many cases, I'm actually worse. That's why I look to Jesus as my Savior. He's perfect and I'm not."

Good Friday

Dave Nelson — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 15:22:35 GMT

Tomorrow is one of the most significant days in all of Christianity. It's the day we stop to reflect on the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.

The question that I'm obsessed with, in regards to the cross, is WHY? Why was it necessary? Why couldn't Jesus forgive the way we forgive? And if death was necessary, why couldn't it be a quick and painless death... instead of something as inhumane as the cross?

I suppose any answer will seem trivial, but here goes...

When my brother Todd was just a few years old, he took a hammer and put a chip in my parent's brand new counter top.

Now here's the dilemma: How does my dad communicate to my brother Todd the weight of his actions? He can't. He can spank Todd. He can put him in timeout. He can ground him for a few hours. But there is no way that a 3 or 4 year old kid can understand the significance of his actions. And even if he did, there is no way he could repay the time or money needed to fix the problem.

That's the dilemma God is in. How does He communicate to you and I the weight of our sin? That would be like trying to get a group of toddlers to understand the Quantum Theory of Light. It's impossible. And even if we could understand, how can we pay back the wrong we've done? We can't.

That's what the cross is all about. It's God's way of helping us see significance of our sin and simultaneously showing us that He will pay for the damage our sin does with his mercy, justice and grace (embodied in Jesus Christ).

The message of the cross if foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being save know it is the very power of God. 1 Corinthians 1:18

If you've got 30 minutes, here is a longer explanation from Sunday's talk (you'll love the Christian Television-like setting!)

Stop Sweating Today

Dave Nelson — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 13:02:20 GMT

This is the most random blog post I've ever written, but after 15 years of "pitting out" all of my dress shirts, t-shirts, sweatshirts, etc. I think I've found the solution to staying dry.

Hallelujah!!!

I have experimented with almost every possible home remedy or deodorant known to man in order to eliminate my sweat problems. Now, after 6 weeks of being 90-95% sweat free... I am going to give all of you wet armpit people a glimmer of hope. Here it is...

A product called "SweatBlock"! NO - THIS IS NOT A NEW BUSINESS OR PRODUCT I'M SELLING, BUT I SHOULD! It is the only thing that has worked for me. I put it on once every 4 or 5 days and I'm set. Click here for the actual website.

To be safe, I use Degree Clinical Protection in the morning, but I don't even know if that is necessary.

Enjoy your day!

If You Forget Everything Else, Don't Forget This...

Dave Nelson — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 14:09:55 GMT

Your talents... your personality... your wealth... your abilities... your family... your kids... your intelligence... your success... your nationality... your creativity... and everything else that you have, will ever be, or will ever accomplish... comes from God. You had nothing to do with it.

All you and I have ever done is simply managed what God has blessed us with.

We have zero reason to ever become arrogant about anything.

"Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1

"Wealth and honor come from you alone, for you rule over everything. Power and might and your hand, and at your discretion people are made great and given strength. O our God, we thank you and praise your glorious name! But who am I, and who are my people, that we could give anything to you? Everything we have has come from you, and we give you only what you first gave us!" 1 Chronicles 29:12-14

"The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it. The world and all its people belong to him. For he laid the earth's foundation on the seas and built it on the ocean depths." Psalm 24:1-2

Please Stop Thinking And Having Opinions.

Dave Nelson — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 13:56:04 GMT

Since we are Americans who live in 2012, it's pretty much impossible to have an opinion about anything without causing some sort of emotional hurricane in the lives of people around us.

I'm completely serious.

Are you a Democrat? Then it's almost a guarantee that every other Republican in your network of family and friends will make it their life mission to help you understand how misguided you are. And vice versa.

Do you have a belief one way or the other about gay marriage? The worst thing you can ever do is share it. You'll quickly be classified as godless and pagan or homophobic and intolerant.

Do you think parents should be allowed to spank their kids?

Do you think that there is only one path to God?

Do you think our election process is fair?

Do you think condoms should be given away to teens w/o parents knowledge?

Shhhh.... If you open your mouth, there is an army of people waiting to crucify you on the other side of the argument.

So here are some of your options:

1) Stop thinking and having opinions.

2) Act like your beliefs and your way of thinking is superior to others.

3) Learn how to share your opinions without being so dogmatic and acting like everyone else is an imbecile.

4) Learn how to listen to other people's thoughts and embrace the fact that not everybody will see the world like you do.

Obviously doing #1 or #2 is much easier than doing #3 or #4. However, our ability to do #3 or #4 over time will earn us a voice and position of influence in the lives of other people. #2 never works.

If I Could Do It Over Again (Part 4)

Dave Nelson — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 13:47:48 GMT

Continued from an earlier blog...

5) I'd find a like-minded church... and join it!

I cannot exaggerate how much time and energy I wasted in my first several years out of bible college, trying to change the culture of churches that I was on staff at.

Little did I know that it wasn't my job to change the culture. It was my job to figure out the mission and culture of the church and become it's biggest fan!

Unfortunately, because I did not know this, I spent a lot of time gossiping, complaining and dreaming of how things could be different "if I was in charge".

The truth is, I was an idiot.

When you disagree with how an organization runs, and you are the employee, you end up draining a lot of people with your constant need to go against the grain.

I only learned this after becoming part of a like-minded group of people. In 2003, for the first time in my life, I joined the staff of a church that reflected everything I imagined church should and could be. The result? I was energized by the staff and they were energized by me. We weren't plagued by gossip, division or stupid debates. The church experienced phenomenal growth, because it was filled with people all moving in the same direction.

Regardless of how you feel church or business ought to be done, the best thing you can do is find like-minded people to do it with!

If I Could Do It Over Again (Part 3)

Dave Nelson — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 12:36:09 GMT

Continued from an earlier blog...

4) I'd give up control

In my first 10 years out of Bible college I was a control freak. I somehow felt like it was my pastoral responsibility to try and manage everybody's convictions, giving, prayer life, Bible study and more.

At one point I started a "discipleship" group for teenagers that required them to sign a piece of paper agreeing to limit the amount of television they watched, what time they went to bed on Saturday nights (so they could give their BEST to the Lord on Sunday mornings) and a whole lot of other nonsense that revealed nothing about their true spiritual condition.

At the height of my "love for God gone bad", I even put together a booklet with a list of about 50 "sins" for teenagers to stay away from.

The interesting thing is that the checklist I expected other people to follow was nothing more than a reflection of my own personal convictions and some habits I had spent time developing in my own life. Ironically, if my lead pastor at the time, Owen Carr, who was praying three hours every morning and reading through the Bible three times a year had asked me to follow his checklist... I would have been screwed!

It's impossible to control or manage someone else's spiritual journey. We shouldn't even try. What we should do is provide and/or share as many tools as possible to help each other grow as followers of Jesus Christ, but that's it. Nothing more. Otherwise we're playing the role of God.

If I Could Do It Over Again (Part 2)

Dave Nelson — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 15:48:07 GMT

Continued from an earlier blog...

I hate writing this. I really do, but if I could relive my first 10 years out of Bible College one of the biggest things I'd do differently is...

2) I'd graduate.

After 3.5 years of studying, I was done. I hated formal education. Therefore, I dropped out. And even though I've never had a problem getting a job, I wish I would have finished sooner. The fact is - I love learning, but I hate classroom settings. Heck, so do most people.

The good news is... I have completed my education, but it took me until December 2009 to do it. Never. Ever. Again.

3) I'd be much quicker to talk about my faults, failures and sins.

I don't know why it took me so long to learn this, but the more comfortable I've become in talking about the flaws in my life, the more impact it seems to have on others. Logic says to carefully present an image of yourself that sets an example to others.

We all know that pastors are notorious for this. For many years I was silent about my shortcomings.

In reality, the more honest we are about our failures, the more inspired people are to be honest about and work on their own. I don't fully understand it, but it's true.

If I Could Do It Over Again (Part 1)

Dave Nelson — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 21:49:20 GMT

Sometimes I wish I could relive my first 10 years out of Bible College. I loved Jesus, was extremely passionate, cared about people, but somehow felt it was my job to change the planet.

Looking back I realize that I was caught up in a world of idealism. How is it that I could barely change my own behavior, but somehow think I carried the potential to change the world?!?!

Obviously I can't go back in time, but if I could here are some things I'd do differently:

1) I'd stay out of stupid debates that never really change anyone's minds.

Here's the reality: I can barely do algebra, but somehow I was convinced that I was absolutely qualified to argue on topics like evolution, pre-destination, sexuality, and the questions surrounding spiritual gifts.

I was an idiot to think that 30 minutes of passionate debate would somehow satisfy all the questions and concerns that people had on these impossible to figure out topics.

Looking back, I could have saved a whole bunch of time and much needed brain cells by simply admitting, "I don't know. I'm not that smart."

Do not get involved in foolish discussions about spiritual pedigrees or in quarrels and fights about obedience to Jewish laws. These things are useless and a waste of time. Titus 3:9

You're Invited

Dave Nelson — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 19:48:15 GMT

Great Lakes Church,

I'm not going to beg, cry, scream or guilt anybody into volunteering. I'm just going to share the facts.

What we do at Great Lakes Church looks easy. It really does. But like almost anything in life that looks effortless... it takes a whole lot of planning and hard work to pull off. Creating memorable worship experiences each and every Sunday is NOT easy. It takes hundreds and hundreds of volunteers to do what we do.

This coming Sunday we are launching three service times (8:30am, 9:30am, and 10:45am). If you are not currently on a volunteer team, I'm asking you to step up and make the move from "attending a great church" to "building a great church".

You don't have to be the "Bible Answer Man", a Harvard graduate or even a long-time attender of GLC to get involved. You just need to be excited about helping people find and follow Jesus.

Some people joke with me that they'll screw up what God's doing if they ever get involved. I promise you, you won't. It's God church. Your mess of a life, and mine, isn't going to screw anything up.

I'm convinced that God determined a long time ago to expand His church here in southeastern Wisconsin through the launch of GLC. He's simply invited us to be a part of the journey.

Don't put it off.

Here are some teams we're focusing on in the next few days:

3) Usher Team

If you choose to volunteer at 10:45am, just know that you are cooler than cool.

Let's do this thing!

Dave

Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Dave Nelson — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 21:54:21 GMT

Nobody plans to have an affair, but most people don't really plan not to have an affair either.

So after 16 years of being a pastor, let me share with you 3 boundaries that may sound very legalistic, but will help you in avoiding an emotional or sexual affair.

SOCIAL NETWORKING BOUNDARIES: 1 in 5 affairs can be traced back to Facebook. That doesn't mean it's "of the devil", it just means you need to be super-duper-freakin'-careful that you don't fall into the trap of regularly sending private messages or flirting (even unintentionally) with the comments you leave on people's pages.

Additionally, if you're married, being "friends" with someone on Facebook that you used to have a sexual relationship with is DUMB, DUMB, DUMB.

OFFICE BOUNDARIES: Be careful about the message that your words or body language communicate to people in the office. It's very easy to be perceived as a flirt without even meaning to. Also, it's unfair to compare the people you work with, who are always at their best, to your spouse who you see at their worst. You're not comparing realities.

Even though there isn't a Bible verse against it, I have come to the point in my life where I refuse to drive alone with a woman or meet with a female alone in a private setting. It's too easy to go down a dangerous path.

COMPUTER BOUNDARIES: I know you're going think I'm a prude, but there is absolutely zero evidence to back the idea that pornography is helpful in any way... even to your sex life. Porn creates unrealistic worlds that no man or woman can live up to. I think every human being could benefit by placing some sort of safeguard onto their computer to ensure that someone we don't even know becomes our standard of beauty.